Gone to PUF!!

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P.U.F. Preparations

Today, as my first post for the Pagan Insights Project, I am going to discuss my favorite topic of the moment.  Pagan Unity festival!  Our group leaves in eleven days!  I am so beyond excited and if you listen to the Podcast, no doubt this is all that you have been hearing about for a few months.

I have been spending hours and hours going over the schedule of events and trying to decide what I want to do.  I honestly didn't think it was going to be this difficult to decide but the more I learn about the presenters and the workshops that they are doing the harder it is!

Pagan Unity festival, or P.U.F, is in its 15th year and they have some really great VIP's attend each year.  This years headliners include: Dorothy Morrison, Raven Grimassi, Byron Ballard, Oberon Zell, Mark Mandrake, M.R. Sellers, Christopher Penczak and many more talented folks!  Musical Entertainment this year includes Tuatha Dea & Wendy Rule. We prepaid our tickets so we are getting all of this for only SEVENTY bucks!  This price includes tent space, breakfast and dinner all 3 days, admission to all the workshops and as the website states, all the fun I can handle.  I can handle a LOT of fun.  Just sayin'.

It will be held from May 17th - May 20th in Burns TN. My coven sisters, Emy Rylynn are traveling with me in my car and we are meeting Shadow & Hurricane there.  My bus leaves on Wed, may 16th and we are making the 8 hour trek in one shot and then staying one night in a hotel.

As far as the festival, I really don't know what to expect, other than a really good time and maybe a little rain.  There are so many workshops that I am super excited for that I don't even know where to start. 

*Side note: My dream last night was quite odd and PUF related.  Emy and I were invited to some pagan event some place in the world.   We started off in an airplane and we were with some famous pagans but I didn't know who they were.  When we landed 15 minutes later, we got to ride in a huge golf cart  driven by our tour guide, M.R, Sellers, and we passed by this huge castle fortress and the front gate was emblazoned with the words "Penczak ~ Magick" ( I know, weird..)  But Emy & I both Squealed of course.  Then we arrived at a big theatre kind of place.  This was apparently going to be our place of residence during our stay in pagan magic town.  Dorothy Morrison came to say hello and somehow Emy and I pissed her right off and she kept giving us the evil eye..lol  I really don't know what would have happened next because the cat decided he wanted to play war zone and have "The Great Battle of Grandpas Desk" and drop my stuff like bombs onto the lamp.  Good times.

So look forward to a lot of posts about my amazing, life transforming, good times to come!

-Pagan Insights Project 1, Action, Action 

Pagan Insights Project

I'm doing it again!  I think I'll probably keep up this time though.  I am participating in the Pagan Insights Project! Its a mixed media blogging project that you can read more about here, at The Informed Pagan blog.

The prompts are as follows, nutshelled in my own words of course:

* In Your Own Words - My thoughts and feelings related to my path, opinion on recent pagan happenings and that sort of thing

* Post A Pic - post an image related to your path, or one that invokes a feeling/emotion related to your spirituality (or craft… if one is a non-religious Witch), along with a sentence or two describing the image.

* Musical Musings - A song that means somethign to me spirtually

*Action, Action - Posting about actions I take relating to my spirituality, ritual, festival, spellwork and that kind of thing

* Eureka! - Path related "lightbulb moments

I am excited to get started so look for these in the future!

A Dream Day in the life of Essa

I was just watching Oprah and I was thinking about how a day in my life would work if I had no limitations whatsover.  Nothing to do, no where to be, No obligation to anyone but myself.  I know that this is an unlikely scnario, though not impossible.  Here is a look at my Dream Day:
6:00a - Wake up and cuddle with the cat while reflecting on my dreams.  Make a note of anything I may find significant in a dream journal.

6:15a - Throw on my workout clothes & make a hot cup of tea and go outside to water my garden and catch the sun coming up.

7:00a - Head to the track to walk or ride my bike

7:45a - Head home for a hot shower & get dressed for the day

8:00a - Make bed, Do dishes, start laundry and other household stuff while listening to one of my favorite podcasts

9:00a - Meditate

9:30a -  Do something creative.  Paint, blog,  read, write, decorate.  Anything to fuel the creative fire.

9:35a - Be  interrupted by an inquisitive cat. Repetedly.

11:30a- Make something awesome for lunch.  Healthy and delicious would be my only 2 requirements.

12:00p - Eat lunch and veg out playing a video game or watching Netlfix. This also doubles as Kitty Play Time or Kitty Bath Time, alternately.

2:00p - Do something completely witchy.  Spellwork, study, research... anything as long as its totally witchy.

4:00p - Spend an hour doing something really nice for myself.  Book a massage, paint my toes, get a haircut, that sort of thing

5:30p - Hang out with my husband for a while outside in the garden

6:00p - Start Dinner, fold laundry, clean cat box

6:30p - Feed the cat who is quite obviously starving to DEATH, and eat dinner with my little family.

7:00p - One more trip to the garden for quiet time and more meditation

8:00p - Climb in bed with Leo & Teh Kitteh and watch a movie until I fall asleep around 10


So, it looks like my dream day is nice, simple and relaxing :)  This is what a normal day would be like if I ruled the world.  I may do an upcoming post of what a Dream Week would be like if I had no obligations and unlimited funding :)

While I would love to have a dream day every day, I do still have that pesky thing called a job, so while I can't do all of these things every single day, I know that I am able to incorporate some of these things into my daily life if I just need to buckle down and do it. It was super fun to plan out my Dream Day so feel free to try planning out your own and let me know how it turns out!

Reflection

I've been thinking, this blogging endeavor actually reflects mental state at the moment.  Scattered.  I have a lot to say but I cant find the proper words to put it in a cohesive, readable format.  I have failed the Pagan Blog Project but I'm not going to beat myself up over it.  I'll use the prompts when I feel like writing but cant think of anything to say.  To be completely honest, I have been trying to write this post for about a month, so we will see how this turns out.

Its a strange time right now. My projects have stalled, but I think its more due to the cosmic "Take your time with this" vibe that comes on this period of Mercury Retro, rather than my ideas losing steam. I have a ton of ideas, creations, projects and other such endeavors that I am SOUL Excited to get rolling. (ooohhh... Soul Excited?)  Yes.. I feel the excitement of what these projects will bring and what they mean to me deeply in my soul, so Soul Excited fits! 

A lot of things in my life no longer serve me. Things no longer WORK for me and they have got to be changed.  This is evident in several areas of my 'normal' life.  Not the least of which are 2 major aspects in my life, my spirituality and my job. These things are either seemingly changing on their own, (spiritual) or the changes are being forced upon me (work.) Though, that is not entirely right either.  Its scary because this is part of  my IDENTITY.  When a person asks me what I do or who I am, my response is almost ALWAYS my job title or my spiritual identity or something like that.

"Hi, I'm Essa, office supervisor / Pagan-wiccan-something-or-other"

I am desperately tired of my job and all that it entails.  Its not a hard job, I often joke that a trained chimpanzee could do my job, and do it well.  the hardest thing that I have to do is make judgement calls and write memos.  Over the past 2 or 3 months, maybe longer if I look at it honestly,  I am filled with this immense dread and anxiety over dragging my ass into work.  I have been chalking this up to hating my job like most Americans, but the truth is I don't hate my job...in fact, I LIKE my job. It confuses me but I cant ignore that feeling in the pit of my stomach that screams 'NOOOOO!' whenever I sit down at my desk.

Spiritually speaking, If you follow the podcast you are aware of all of the talk about 'The Shift."  That is where I am right now in regard to my spiritual searching.  I am becoming more and more aligned to this idea of a shift in global consciousness happening right now.  I am finding it more and more difficult to weed out what I honestly believe, what I would believe if I had more information and what I definitely do NOT believe.  Losing and finding my spiritual identity in a rapid succession of peeks and valleys over and over and over is also pretty overwhelming.  Its hard to sort it all out.

Time.  Time is something I never can find enough of, though it seems that I have less time now than I ever had even though I only work 4 days a week. Isn't that odd?  My coven/circle/group of spiritual awesomeness made witches ladders two weeks ago.  TWO WEEKS. I finally JUST assembled mine last night.  Where did the last 2 weeks go? The last month? The last 3 months?

I  just want to do what I love.  I want to have a small business of my own, create when I feel moved to create, believe whatever it is in me to truly believe, be happy and have abundance in all aspects of my life.  I don't think that what I want is too much to ask.  I am much more likely to jump through hoops if they are my hoops 

At The Ready

Greetings Bloglings!

I have decided that I am going to participate in the Pagan Blog Project! I realize that we are already 47 days into 2012 and I also realize that I have missed letters A through C, but I am not going to NOT participate just because I missed the beginning.  So tomorrow I shall begin my Friday postings beginning with the letter D!

I have SLACKED on the Spiritual Nomad class that I paid for, so I plan to undertake that today and Monday.  I am ok with the slacking on that though because my thought process is this:  I will come to it when I am ready to.  Just as I will come to everything else in my life and in my plans. 

The Witches Reboot starts on Saturday morning!  I am excited, and scared, but I am ready for it too.  I have my juicer and my fruits & veggies all ready to start.  Don't know what I am taking about?  checkout www.JuicyWitch.net This is a podcast done by my friend Rylynn that details just exactly what we are doing. You may also want to check out www.jointhereboot.com and if you have the Almighty Netflix, check out a documentary called "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead."  This movie is a huge inspiration to me.

There is just SO MUCH CHANGE going on all around me and within me.  I love the feeling that I have these days of awareness and of feeling like I am looking at something in a new way and that it has always been right before my eyes.  I was just to caught up in everything else to see it.  How crazy is that??  Crazier still is the fact that this change is not just in ME.  Its in the collective consciousness of the world, in the plants, the trees, the animals.  Its in my family, in my friends, its in me, its in you... its in us ALL

So much to learn... 

Love to all,
Essa

Jumping Ship

I’m not really sure where this blog post will take me.  It may be all over the place, it may not.  This is the roller coaster that is my awakening... Stay if you will, go if you must.

I got a phone call from my job last night telling me that my hours had been cut.  I, of course, became very upset wondering how I’m going to pay for this or that or whatever.  I am a supervisor, why am I being screwed here? 

I let the anger take over so much that it spilled over into my dealings with my family and then I wasn’t able to to fall asleep at a decent hour, blah blah blah.  It was just bad, crunchy energy all around.   I resolved last night, after talking to my husband, that I would go in to the office today and ask my corporate office “WTF corporate office?  Why you no let me work?”   I was fired up, pissed off and ready to collect unemployment cuz I was going to act a FOOL. 

OK, maybe not act a fool but I was going to strongly assert myself.

Once I got to work this morning I noticed  that The more I sat and brooded about the situation,  the more I realized what I was so pissed off about.  I was angry because I felt that I had been busting my ass for these people and that my hours were cut because they thought I was not doing a very good job.  I assumed that they found my performance too be sub-par.   I took it as an attack on ME as a person and an employee. 

I eventually got the chance to speak with someone in corporate and I asked plainly if my hours were cut because of my performance.  I was assured that this was not the case.  I was told that I “do an awesome job.” and they explained their reasoning for having to cut hours.  While I don’t necessarily agree with the procedure and implementation of the hour cuts, I can’t deny the necessity of cuts when I look at the situation from a business standpoint.

Why am I writing about this situation in my pagan-flavored blog?  Well In my ceaseless and obsessive pondering of my adequacy this morning, before I got an answer from the powers that be, I had a thought.  What if this is the Universes way of telling me that it’s time to move on from this job that I have clung to for so long?  What if it is now time to step COMPLETELY Out of my comfort zone and take on something entirely new?  What if By keeping myself Velcro-suctioned to this aspect of my life, I am letting a rush of new opportunities pass me by without a glance?

It’s entirely possible & pretty frickin' likely.

So with my fears allayed for now, I have decided to NOT allow myself to continue obliviously floating around in my safety net.  I’m going to keep my eyes trained on the horizon in order to be ready to jump ship when the next opportunity comes along.  I want to be able to jump without hesitation. 

This happens to be something that I am working on now anyway.  A friend told me about a E-Course that she is taking called “Becoming a Spiritual Nomad “  and shared the link with me.  I looked at it and wrote it off at first but something kept nagging at me to look again.  I looked at the link again.  The first thing written on the page is "Have you outgrown your religion?" "Whoa" i said to myself... and heard that little voice that said “This is what you NEED.”  I signed up shortly thereafter. I am QUITE pleased that I finally had the courage to go against my grain and listen to my intuition  J

So, yeah.  I am no longer going to let my life live ME, I am going to try to live MY life. I don’t know what form the next opportunity will come in, but I’m ready.  I cant let another one pass me by!

(if your interest was piqued at the mention of the Spiritual Nomad class, here’s the link.  Go have a look-see.  It may be just what you need too J)

A Coffee Cup?

It all started with a coffee cup. Well, it actually all started before the coffee cup, but the cup was the trigger of the recent awareness explosion that has been opening my eyes up more and more each day since. Some of you know who I am, and I would venture to say some of you don't, so for those of you that fit in to the latter category, I'll give you a quickie:
Hi, I'm Essa! I am thirty-something & I am a Witch (cue scary music.) I am a coven founder, a Southern Mississippi-Yankee-Transplant-VIA-Jersey. I am a wife, a cat-mommy and have a severe case of Truckermouth. I am proud to be a pagan, though due to my present locale, I am not all flaunty about it. If someone asks me what I believe, I tell them.

I am also one of the hostesses of the Witches' View Podcast, an adventure that has enriched my life so fully that I find it difficult to accurately express just how much gratitude I hold for the experience alone, not to mention the friends I have made and the people that have touched my heart along the way. I credit those people and experiences with helping me to arrive where I stand right now. I am standing at the precipice of my next great life adventure. I can feel it, I can smell it, and I can taste it in the air. I am ready to take the leap.

Lately I have been questioning not what I believe but why. Not what or how I worship/ pray/ cast but I question why I do it this way. Why do I celebrate the Celtic Wheel of the Year? Why do I feel the need to have a deity? Can’t I just call on a specific energy? Why do I feel as though it is a requirement for me to choose This God or That Goddess in order for me to progress in MY OWN faith? The short answer here is the SELF IMPOSED perception that in order to be a pagan or call myself a pagan I have to be like other pagans.

Some might call these feelings a crisis of faith. I saw them that way for a brief moment before I looked deeper into what exactly I was feeling. My faith is not in crisis. In fact, my faith has never been stronger, healthier and more vibrant in my entire life! I am having a 'Maturing of Faith' - My spirit has finally decided to grow up and form its own opinions and get its own place! My faith has decided that it no longer wishes to be bound by the rules that I have imposed on it and wants to show ME what is out there just waiting for my wide-eyed discovery.

It has been a few months that I have been feeling this urge inside of me, trying to claw its way out, gasping for breath. The need to create, to express, to discover. Stagnation is no longer an option for my soul because if I sit around any longer my soul is going to begin to whither. I have always had this in me, but I didn’t know how to allow it out and still be able to be in control of it. I have come to realize that I can’t control it; I just have to give myself over to the experience and enjoy the ride.

The one thing that I am absolutely sure that will come from is journey is growth. I will grow as a person in every aspect. I will become a better me and I can’t wait to let this person shine through. I know that it will not always be a pleasant journey, I know that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but does that mean I should never open the windows? Does that mean that I should always stay in side for fear of getting caught in a rain storm? NO, I don't think it does.

So, back to the coffee cup, my beautiful-crazy-awesome-coffee-cup-of-eye-opening-goodness. It tells me "The Universe Knows...Blessings are Everywhere." When I saw this message, I KNEW it was for me. I KNEW I was supposed to be in that place, at that time, with those wonderful people that were with me. It was there to light the path that I had started to journey towards, unknowingly, a few months back. It was the blinking neon sign that reads “Hey Essa, Start Here" next to an arrow shaped sign pointing down the road that read "Home."

Since that day, things have just been coming together and making perfect sense to me. A rapid-fire series of 'Ah-ha!' moments that I can't ignore. That I refuse to ignore any longer. I don’t know where the road is going to end up, but I know that my spirit is demanding that I allow it to lead me.

So I'm gonna do it. I'm going to throw caution to the wind and allow my eyes to continue being opened more each day. I'm going to dance, be still, paint, write, create, destroy, scream, sing, cry, laugh, shout & whisper my way to finding complete happiness in my soul, my spirit and my life.

I'm happy you will join me!
XOXO & Namste'
Essa