Thursday, January 19, 2012

A Coffee Cup?

It all started with a coffee cup. Well, it actually all started before the coffee cup, but the cup was the trigger of the recent awareness explosion that has been opening my eyes up more and more each day since. Some of you know who I am, and I would venture to say some of you don't, so for those of you that fit in to the latter category, I'll give you a quickie:
Hi, I'm Essa! I am thirty-something & I am a Witch (cue scary music.) I am a coven founder, a Southern Mississippi-Yankee-Transplant-VIA-Jersey. I am a wife, a cat-mommy and have a severe case of Truckermouth. I am proud to be a pagan, though due to my present locale, I am not all flaunty about it. If someone asks me what I believe, I tell them.

I am also one of the hostesses of the Witches' View Podcast, an adventure that has enriched my life so fully that I find it difficult to accurately express just how much gratitude I hold for the experience alone, not to mention the friends I have made and the people that have touched my heart along the way. I credit those people and experiences with helping me to arrive where I stand right now. I am standing at the precipice of my next great life adventure. I can feel it, I can smell it, and I can taste it in the air. I am ready to take the leap.

Lately I have been questioning not what I believe but why. Not what or how I worship/ pray/ cast but I question why I do it this way. Why do I celebrate the Celtic Wheel of the Year? Why do I feel the need to have a deity? Can’t I just call on a specific energy? Why do I feel as though it is a requirement for me to choose This God or That Goddess in order for me to progress in MY OWN faith? The short answer here is the SELF IMPOSED perception that in order to be a pagan or call myself a pagan I have to be like other pagans.

Some might call these feelings a crisis of faith. I saw them that way for a brief moment before I looked deeper into what exactly I was feeling. My faith is not in crisis. In fact, my faith has never been stronger, healthier and more vibrant in my entire life! I am having a 'Maturing of Faith' - My spirit has finally decided to grow up and form its own opinions and get its own place! My faith has decided that it no longer wishes to be bound by the rules that I have imposed on it and wants to show ME what is out there just waiting for my wide-eyed discovery.

It has been a few months that I have been feeling this urge inside of me, trying to claw its way out, gasping for breath. The need to create, to express, to discover. Stagnation is no longer an option for my soul because if I sit around any longer my soul is going to begin to whither. I have always had this in me, but I didn’t know how to allow it out and still be able to be in control of it. I have come to realize that I can’t control it; I just have to give myself over to the experience and enjoy the ride.

The one thing that I am absolutely sure that will come from is journey is growth. I will grow as a person in every aspect. I will become a better me and I can’t wait to let this person shine through. I know that it will not always be a pleasant journey, I know that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but does that mean I should never open the windows? Does that mean that I should always stay in side for fear of getting caught in a rain storm? NO, I don't think it does.

So, back to the coffee cup, my beautiful-crazy-awesome-coffee-cup-of-eye-opening-goodness. It tells me "The Universe Knows...Blessings are Everywhere." When I saw this message, I KNEW it was for me. I KNEW I was supposed to be in that place, at that time, with those wonderful people that were with me. It was there to light the path that I had started to journey towards, unknowingly, a few months back. It was the blinking neon sign that reads “Hey Essa, Start Here" next to an arrow shaped sign pointing down the road that read "Home."

Since that day, things have just been coming together and making perfect sense to me. A rapid-fire series of 'Ah-ha!' moments that I can't ignore. That I refuse to ignore any longer. I don’t know where the road is going to end up, but I know that my spirit is demanding that I allow it to lead me.

So I'm gonna do it. I'm going to throw caution to the wind and allow my eyes to continue being opened more each day. I'm going to dance, be still, paint, write, create, destroy, scream, sing, cry, laugh, shout & whisper my way to finding complete happiness in my soul, my spirit and my life.

I'm happy you will join me!
XOXO & Namste'