Thursday, February 2, 2012

Jumping Ship

I’m not really sure where this blog post will take me.  It may be all over the place, it may not.  This is the roller coaster that is my awakening... Stay if you will, go if you must.
I got a phone call from my job last night telling me that my hours had been cut.  I, of course, became very upset wondering how I’m going to pay for this or that or whatever.  I am a supervisor, why am I being screwed here? 
I let the anger take over so much that it spilled over into my dealings with my family and then I wasn’t able to to fall asleep at a decent hour, blah blah blah.  It was just bad, crunchy energy all around.   I resolved last night, after talking to my husband, that I would go in to the office today and ask my corporate office “WTF corporate office?  Why you no let me work?”   I was fired up, pissed off and ready to collect unemployment cuz I was going to act a FOOL. 

OK, maybe not act a fool but I was going to strongly assert myself.

Once I got to work this morning I noticed  that The more I sat and brooded about the situation,  the more I realized what I was so pissed off about.  I was angry because I felt that I had been busting my ass for these people and that my hours were cut because they thought I was not doing a very good job.  I assumed that they found my performance too be sub-par.   I took it as an attack on ME as a person and an employee. 
I eventually got the chance to speak with someone in corporate and I asked plainly if my hours were cut because of my performance.  I was assured that this was not the case.  I was told that I “do an awesome job.” and they explained their reasoning for having to cut hours.  While I don’t necessarily agree with the procedure and implementation of the hour cuts, I can’t deny the necessity of cuts when I look at the situation from a business standpoint.
Why am I writing about this situation in my pagan-flavored blog?  Well In my ceaseless and obsessive pondering of my adequacy this morning, before I got an answer from the powers that be, I had a thought.  What if this is the Universes way of telling me that it’s time to move on from this job that I have clung to for so long?  What if it is now time to step COMPLETELY Out of my comfort zone and take on something entirely new?  What if By keeping myself Velcro-suctioned to this aspect of my life, I am letting a rush of new opportunities pass me by without a glance?

It’s entirely possible & pretty frickin' likely.

So with my fears allayed for now, I have decided to NOT allow myself to continue obliviously floating around in my safety net.  I’m going to keep my eyes trained on the horizon in order to be ready to jump ship when the next opportunity comes along.  I want to be able to jump without hesitation. 
This happens to be something that I am working on now anyway.  A friend told me about a E-Course that she is taking called “Becoming a Spiritual Nomad “  and shared the link with me.  I looked at it and wrote it off at first but something kept nagging at me to look again.  I looked at the link again.  The first thing written on the page is "Have you outgrown your religion?" "Whoa" i said to myself... and heard that little voice that said “This is what you NEED.”  I signed up shortly thereafter. I am QUITE pleased that I finally had the courage to go against my grain and listen to my intuition  J
So, yeah.  I am no longer going to let my life live ME, I am going to try to live MY life. I don’t know what form the next opportunity will come in, but I’m ready.  I cant let another one pass me by!
(if your interest was piqued at the mention of the Spiritual Nomad class, here’s the link.  Go have a look-see.  It may be just what you need too J)

1 comment:

  1. Hey Essa,
    I TOTALLY know how you feel! My job feels dead-ened and I feel stunted. As if after years of trying to whack a square peg (me) into a round hole I've finally been made to fit and have gotten stuck this way. I'm terrified to ask for a raise, not being sure what to expect if I do, and suffering finacially for it. Spiritually I'm comfy in my beliefs but it was a very unnerving feeling today not getting up to greet the sun, not feeling motivated to set up my altar for Imbolc not feeling... anything. So I understand you setting your feet to the Path and I think my head wants to do the same if my heart would only listen.